Today is my daughter’s funeral.
That’s a sentence you never want to write.
Of all my experiences in life so far, saying goodbye to me daughter, has to be the worst. In fact, I really, genuinely hope that I don’t have to go through another thing as difficult and painful as this.
And the worst thing is, we’ve already done it once.
We were lucky (another choice term), when Tilly left us, because she was able to stay with us, in our hospital suite, for a couple of days, whilst Charlotte recovered from her surgery.
However, once this had happened, and we were preparing to leave, a dark cloud appeared. It grew with every minute as we got nearer to being discharged, knowing that she couldn’t leave the hospital with us.
As the moment neared, Charlotte and I both got choked up, and tried to busy ourselves with the mundane, before going back to spend precious moments with Tilly.
We were eventually given an option – to leave the suite, and Tilly, or to have Tilly taken from us. We chose the latter of the two – it literally felt like the better of two evils not to leave her in the room on her own.
With that, we left.
And having done that, and having slowly got over it, we go again.
I have no idea how the ceremony will go. All I can say is that I plan carry Tilly into the service, and I also plan to say a few words about just how beautiful, strong, amazing and perfect our daughter was.
I can’t say whether I will be able to do either of these.
But for Tilly, I will try my best.