Charlotte and I have just had a relaxing break in Cornwall. Now we’ve returned, my thoughts have turned to my return to work.
At the moment this feels a little daunting, but I know that this nervousness will subside.
It’s the little things that are worrying me about my return. Things like:
When I last left my desk, I was going on holiday before the ‘gender reveal’ scan. Christ, how things have changed since that point. I almost feel sick at my naive excitement and enthusiasm for this.
The building I work in has offices for a number of different teams and departments. Whilst those I am closest to know exactly what I have been through, some, inevitably won’t. I am already dreading the first ‘how are you, I haven’t seen you for a while’ conversation.
On that note, what do I say to people? I could give answers ranging from a sentence or two, to a two-side summary of our experiences. I have no idea how much detail I will want to give.
Should I have a picture of Tilly on my desk? My gut feeling is that yes, I do want one – and after all, other fathers have pictures of their children. But will that upset me, especially when people ask about her?
In the grand scheme of things, these are all small considerations, but right now, they are what occupies my mind when I think about going back to work. That’s before I even think about what work I need to pick up, what on earth is waiting for me in my emails, and remembering where the coffee machine is and what my code for the photocopier might be.
However, when I do get to that point, I know I will have Tilly’s memory with me, and I know that will help me get through the tough times.